I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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