Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
