just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
