i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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