She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
