so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
