i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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