Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
