how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
love makes seman taste better
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
wow bdsm is so cute
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
