I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
