I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
