i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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