Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
