do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He better not be in your backpack
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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