Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
