i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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