I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
