I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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