JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
