My balls are so social today.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
