This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
