Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize