if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
