let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
