whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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