Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
