you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
