we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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