At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
