We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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