They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
