He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
