i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
