He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
