broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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