i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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