my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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