A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You're like the curious george of whores
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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