I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
