96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Still dying that you shit outside
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
