I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
3pm strippers are depressing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
