If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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