Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
