Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
