allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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