so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
