If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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