Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
