It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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