I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
