The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
