i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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