he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Shame is for Republicans.
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