you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's the barista slut.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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