home. puking in laundry basket.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
