In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
