when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
