Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
