I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
