im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
