OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
