Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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