OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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