i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
