I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
