totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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