Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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