i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
