a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
