The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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