So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
