I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
