Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
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this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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