How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Terrible idea I love it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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