She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Found the puke drawer
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
