I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
