Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
